thoughts

I've been feeling left out. Like I'm not even a part of this family. Like I've been forsaken. I've been cutting a lot more too. I don't know if these feelings are just coming up because I stopped taking my meds or because my family is really ignoring me. I'm not really sure but it just sucks to feel this way. A part of me wants to reach out to them and spark up a conversation, and tell them what is going on in my head, but another part of me just wants to let it be and keep to myself. Keep self harming and continuing on my se;f destructive path. I don't know what to do. I like hurting myself but I also dislike it. I just feel abandoned and I have issues with abandonement. I feel like a hurt little girl. I hate that I'm growing up sometimes. I only like it when it is convient for me. Of course. I feel like maybe I am just being selfish. I'm disgusting.